While at the movies with a friend to see The Rum Diary (2011) (Side note: The Rum Diary is directed by Bruce Robinson, director, and voice of the boil, of the must see, and if you haven’t you must, movie called How to Get Ahead in Advertising (1989)!) I noticed another movie playing at the same time called A Dangerous Method. Why haven’t I heard of this movie? Probably because it’s crap. I walk over and check out the poster for the film, glance down to see who’s the director, and it’s David Cronenberg! What! Now I’m really thinking why haven’t I heard of this film! I make a mental note of it’s times, and already begin planing my future venture to see it before I’ve even finished buying the tickets for my current show.

The next day I get the opportunity to go to the theater alone and see this new David Cronenberg film. The theater is abandoned as usual for it’s midday on a workday. The best time to be at a theater. 

I buy my ticket, but turns out I am forty five minutes early, much to early to just sit in the theater. Time to find food. 

The theater only sells candy and soda, they even call it a candy bar instead of snack bar. No hotdogs? What crap.

Chinese buffet? To much hassle.

Generic restaurant? Let’s see the menu. Generic food, outrageously high prices, nah.

Coffee shop? I need more then a sugar pastry.

Ah, Subway, “eat fresh”, let’s see how fresh. Wow, great prices for Australia. She asks “6 inch or foot long?”, I know I just need the 6 inch, I reply “Foot long please.”. 

I take my sub to the car, wrap it in a sweater, then back to the theater to eat it in my theater seat while waiting for the movie to start. 

The young Megan Fox lookalike rips my ticket, I’m in, then this muscle head, big buff guy with a grumpy “this buff thing is a lot of work and it’s still not getting me laid” look on his face stops me and asks “What’s in the sweater?” I say “Subway.” He says “No Subway.” I turn to the girl and smile and say “Oh sneaky”, she laughs, joins my plight, and gives the buff guy a moan of disagreement. Good job buff guy, you just showed this girl you are “the man”, no Megan Fox for you. (Side note #2: I’m just jealous of his biceps.)

Sitting in my car I take a big bite and then remember I just had a tooth pulled, so it felt really weird, and it sends subway chunks up my unhealed gum hole. Ruined my appetite. I just wrapped up the rest of the sandwich, left it in the car, and went back inside.

The movie starts and a middle aged chubby librarian looking woman and myself are the only two people in the theater. She has no food with her. Excellent.

Keira Knightley was not quite believable, I don’t think it was because of her performance, I think it was just because I couldn’t stop thinking “That’s Keira Knightley.” Michael Fassbender was less recognizable, but his performance was pretty bland. Not his fault though, that was his character. Viggo Mortensen does a decent job like he always does. But he’s much better as a psychopath, which you think he may actually achieve a few times here, and that’s what makes his performance the best. A Cronenberg film you will see, be pleased with, and then soon forget.

The drive home my car smelled like a school cafeteria. What’s in that Subway? I threw it away when I got home and made a PB&J sandwich.