What? You wondering why I went to see this CGI Transformers knockoff? Don’t worry, it’s not because I thought it looked good. It’s because it’s directed by Peter Berg, the writer and director of one of my FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME Very Bad Things (1998). Because of Very Bad Things I will now go and watch anything he makes, even if it’s the next Garfield sequel in 3D, because If I keep showing my support for him (voting with my dollar) he may make something as awesome as Very Bad Things. I know it’s a long shot, but we all have to have dreams.
Battleship the movie may have cost me more then my discounted (I’m a Grand Theater Card Holder) ten dollar movie ticket because I ran a red light to get to the theater in time, and I saw a bright flash! Did this movie just cost me over a hundred dollars to see?
Every red light, including the one I ran, no parking in lot had to wedge car between two cars and create a spot and hope to not get towed, ran from car, running up escalator, already five minutes late if there is a line I’m screwed, only one person ahead of me, I think I’m going to make it…
I, a little out of breath and just short from wheezing, say “one for Battleship please.” She says “Do you have a Grand Card?” I say “Oh yes I do! Also, has the movie started yet?” She replies “Still have eight minutes of trailers.”
Eight minutes! Holly jeez! I get to pee!
The theater is suprisingly full. I pace the front looking up at everyone, trying to find that perfect spot. Nothing. Damn, looks like I’m going to have to sit next to that guy, oh wait, what I’m I doing? I don’t sit up there! I turn around and see five rows of empty, all to myself seats! I try the middle fifth row. Still to far back. I hurdle over into the fourth row, perfect. Feet up, time to relax. Entertain me Peter. You’ve got to have some dark humor thing in this somewhere.
Funny intro. An almost reenactment of a viral video that was going around about a guy breaking into a convenience store from the roof. Good job Mr. Berg.
Then lots of shiny CGI, lots of screaming, lots of explosions, the end. Oh, and surprisingly It did have a battle at one point based on the 1931 released Battleship Board Game. “B6?”.
Drove home, cooked some lamb chops and mashed potatoes, and decided against my new strange overwhelming propaganda induced feelings to join the Navy.